Don't rock the boat...
Rock the boat, don’t rock the boat baby. Rock the boat, don’t tip the boat over… If you aren’t tapping your foot and singing along to this song by now, you’re missing out. Go watch this video and then come back read this post. For those of you singing along to this tune, I’d like to know where you got the notion to rock the boat baby? As the song says, our love is like a ship on the ocean…and we’ve been sailing with a cargo full of love and devotion… So I’d like to know where you got the notion…
Sometimes I ask the questions, and sometimes I contemplate questions people ask me. Today’s question is a mixture of both. (Enter the backstory for context). Last night Dan and I were out social distancing with friends in the backyard when one of them asked him, “How did you get such an incredible girl like Katie?” Dan laughed and shrugged and said, “I don’t rock the boat,” to which his friends immediately laughed, because if you know Dan, you know he loves to rock the boat, and occasionally tip it over. And if you’ve met me, you know how much I enjoy challenging the status quo. Almost as much as I enjoy using a good tune to write a blog post ;)
So as we walked home I could help but ask myself, why does our relationship work so great? Is it because Dan doesn’t rock the boat? Hmmm…well, like the song said, Up to now we’ve sailed through every storm (insert world-wide pandemic, jobless, and life here), so that checks out. And we’ve definitely been sailing with a cargo of love and devotion…check and check. But we also aren’t afraid to challenge each other, or tell the other person what we need. For some people, that can feel like somebody is rockin’ your boat.
Earlier that week Dan was talking about his brother’s advice on marriage, that I’ve now coined as The Four Buckets. Classic Eades, I wasn’t fully listening, but the general idea is that you get 1 bucket of stuff that you absolutely give a shit about, and you’re ready to rock the boat for it. The importance diminishes with each bucket. I don’t remember what the 4th bucket was…but what I do remember is smiling and thinking to myself, this is the exact approach I took with classroom management as a teacher. And it’s fucking brilliant. You avoid all unnecessary fights and power struggles, and you enjoy your time together.
Don’t rock the boat doesn’t mean back down and don’t have opinions. Have you met me? I have questions and answers. But you don’t have to agree with them. My boat doesn’t get rocked because you disagree with me. And Dan doesn’t try and tip the boat over to prove his point. What a novel concept, respecting someone’s opinion that differs from your own. (Insert sarcasm font here).
Reality is, people are going to rock your boat. Dan’s rocked my boat twice. The first time, we both placed a little too much importance on something that didn’t belong in the rock the boat bucket. The second time, as Dan recalls it, he thought we were over. To be honest, I wasn’t sure. The thing that rocked his boat and made him react the way he did, that didn’t align with my values. It’s where I got the notion to rock the boat and take a TV time out from the situation to collect my thoughts. I had questions. The answers to those questions didn’t rock the boat or tip it over. So I suppose Dan in all his infinite wisdom was right when he said the secret to keeping a girl like me is, I don’t rock the boat.”
My question to you today is, where do you get the notion to “rock the boat” in your own relationships? What do you value that belongs in the “rock the boat” bucket? What triggers you to rock the boat? What rocks your own boat? What do you allow to sit in your rock your boat bucket that doesn’t need to be there? What tips your boat over, i.e. what’s in the peace out loser bucket?
