All things considered
"How are you doing....all things considered?" Is probably my favorite condolence. It makes me smile and think of NPR's All Things Considered voice. And to be honest, all things considered, I am doing alright. I survived divorce (and my shitty ex-business partner who decided my divorce was his next big opportunity) and I have the most incredible friends, volunteers, and employer to remind me how beautiful and great life truly is. Death is a time to celebrate life, and that is exactly what we did for mom. All things considered, I am doing pretty well. Having a therapist during this time was incredibly helpful. And in some ways I understand dad's loss. I know what it feels like to mourn the death of a relationship. And to feel like your world will never stop hurting again.
And in many ways I have no understanding of what it’s like to lose the one you love the most in the world, knowing the world will never stop hurting, it will just hurt less often, I hope. All things considered, I also had some pretty great moments at mom’s funeral. There is always a silver lining.
1) Meeting mom's high school classmates
Standing in a line greeting people at a funeral can be exhausting (which is why I kept leaving the line to speak with friends, sorry dad!). The best part of this annoying funeral tradition was hearing my mom's former classmates share what they remembered about my mom. Almost 50 years later and every one of her classmates recalled how funny my mom was (I had no idea..I don't recall ever laughing at my mom's jokes:). Everyone spoke about her smile, she was always smiling, and her unique and infectious laugh. All these years later, and her classmates still recall how kind she was to everyone in her class, always reaching out to those that didn't quite fit in and helping them feel welcome. My mom had a huge heart and impacted so many people in her life. I loved hearing these stories and learning more about my mom, the high school years.
2) Dad & me against the world
As a kid, my mom was the center of my world, and my mom was the center of my dad's world. Now it's just dad and me and the memories we made together this past week are just the beginning of our adventures without mom. My dad is adorable and helping him learn how to cook was absolutely priceless. He was so proud of his first meal and it was the best damn meal I ever had... (it wasn't that great, if I'm being honest, but best damn meal I ever had). We youtube'd how to use the Dash egg cooker together. I overcooked the poached eggs. He didn't follow directions correctly for hard boiled eggs and ended up making scramble eggs instead. Classic Eades antics over here. Together we were able to make hard boiled eggs, answering the age old question of, “How many Eades' does it take to make eggs?” The answer is 2. If dad ever has to move in with me, we should get our own tv show.
3) Family
No time does a family truly shine like that of death (or divorce, thanks family!). My dad's sisters were there for him every step of the way, taking us to lunch so we would remember to eat, putting together the slide show of photos, picking me up from the airport and driving to the hospital so dad didn't have to be alone. Grandma doesn't remember who my dad is, but for a brief moment at the hospital, grandma called her son Johnny Boy, and it meant the world to my dad. My cousin flew in from Florida, which also meant the world to my dad and me. Funerals are an opportunity to see extended family and catch up with 2nd and 3rd cousins, and finally plan that family reunion (it's been like 20 years since we've had one). Thanks for bringing us all together mom! All things considered…it wasn't so bad.
4) Friends
You guys are the best! Every single one of you made this so much easier. I love you all so much. My bestie drove in from Chicago and held my hand the entire funeral. My buddy Koz, who I have a pact to marry if I'm still single at age 50, drove down to check in on his future father-in-law. I have the best friends. All my girls in Jersey sent flowers, called, text, and all the things friends do when someone's mom dies. And my volunteers took up a collection to help cover costs to fly back and forth to see my mom. You all are amazing! I am beyond blessed to have such amazing people in my life! Mom would be proud.
All things considered…I am doing okay. Thank you for asking. Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Could you use some support to process the closing of this chapter and the creation of a new one? Let’s chat and see if OWL coaching is right for you!
