I want to break free…

(Insert Queen song here) I want to break free. I want to break free from your lies, you’re so self-satisfied, I don’t neeed you. I’ve got to break free. God knows. God knows. I want to break free.

It’s a pandemic. Whoo’s soul isn’t longing to break free right now? Heck, even before the pandemic I would argue that 95% of humans in the developed world have souls longing to break free from the lies our egos makes up in our minds. It isn’t until we fall in love with whoo we really are—for real, that we can even become aware that our soul wants to break free.

Love has no expectations or obligations. Love is OWL-ways kind, respectful, and completely responsible for loving unconditionally. Our souls are overflowing with love. This is whoo we all are; our collective identity is love. Sorry Tina, you know I adore you, but love is more than just a second-hand emotion. Your song should have been called “What’s fear got to do with it.” (read blog post here)

Fear is full of expectations, obligations, and conditions we place on ourselves and others. Fear tells us we will feel love once we’ve fulfilled these conditions, and yet we still long to break free, long after those expectations have been met. Fear is always unkind that way. Like a parasite that takes over your mind, it has zero respect for anyone, including itself. Fear avoids responsibility like the plaque (people actually social distanced for that one).

I’ve fallen in love. I’ve fallen in love for the first time. This time I know it’s for real. I’ve fallen in love. God knows. God knows I’ve fallen in love. It’s strange but it’s true. I can’t get over the way you love me like you do. But I’ve got to be sure when I walk out that door. Oh how I want to break free. Oh how I want to break free. (insert instrumental here)

So why is fear so hard to walk away from? OWL give you a hint, it starts with all these “other” emotions you feel that mask the fear, the judgement, embarrassment, self-righteousness, self-pity, blame, shame, guilt, envy, jealousy—spoiler alert, it’s OWL fear. Fear lives in the dark and is often hard to find. How do you find fear? Well, as the great Dr. King once said, only light can drive out darkness; only your soul’s light can drive away fear.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret, and you’re officially invited to tell everyone. Your soul is longing for you to love yourself so deeply, you shine a spotlight right on the root of fear and drive it away. Like cockroaches scattering when the lights are turned on, the light of truth will send that fear running, setting you free to love.

Your soul is crying out for you to love yourself, not with a pedicure or a massage, but by letting go of OWL these rules you’ve created to protect yourself against emotional pain. While the world preaches of boundaries, your soul cries out the truth—there shouldn’t be any rules! Rules are made to broken.

If you’ve met me, you know the first thing I do upon learning the rules is attempt to find a loop hole. Perhaps I should have been an accountant or a lawyer, but I digress. The truth is, I’m not what you want me to be. In the words of Popeye, I am who I am and that’s all that I am. These rules we create in our heads about whoo people are and who they should be, change the channels of communication between us, because when we are afraid, we lie. We lie about whoo we are and what we’re are feeling in that moment. As Don Miguel puts so eloquently in his book, Mastery of Love:

In the track of love there is justice. If you make a mistake, you pay only once for the mistake, and if you truly love yourself, you learn from that mistake. In the track of fear there is no justice. You make yourself pay a thousand times for the mistake. You make your friends and partner pay a thousand times for the same mistake.

One of the most beautiful coaching conversations I’ve had with a client when she was describing what her new boundaries “looked like.” She metaphorically painted a picture of a beautiful gate that was open, so people could come and go as they please. On the other side of the gate was a wide open field with a small, crumbling wall in the middle. Her idea to strengthen these boundaries she was building was to knock down that crumbling wall, piece by piece. She was building boundaries based on love, not fear. It was beautiful to witness. But fear (the ego) was still there, in the form of a small 12 year old child named Buddy. Buddy was dressed in overalls and DID NOT want to leave the field and walk out of the gate.

But life still goes on. I can’t get used to living without, living without, living without you by my side. I want to live alone. God knows I got to make it on my own. So baby can’t you see. I’ve got to break free. I’ve got to break free. I want to break free. I want, I want, I want, I want to break free.

Before my client could step into her new boundaries based on love, she was going to have to break up with fear and live alone. I asked her what Buddy needed to know about her new boundary in order to feel safe? Perhaps a better question would have been, where does Buddy need to shine the light of love and truth, so he can laugh and let go of his fear? Like Drop Dead Fred (great movie), when Buddy fully receives the truth and OWL the love he needs, he will eventually disappear too. In case you got lost in this metaphor, Buddy represents a part of my client that is living in fear, and the remedy is love and truth.

The truth is Buddy and OWL of his rules exist in the mind, feeding off of fear-based emotions that are full of conditions, expectations, and obligations that mean nothing to the soul. My client’s boundaries became a place where she could be free to allow people to come and go as they please, choosing whoo to entertain and whoo to ask to leave. She invited Buddy to leave that day. As I recall, she may have even carried him out by his overalls just to get him to leave. Sometimes “people” need to be told instead of asked, to leave and never come back, so that you can break free.

Take a minute and feel your heart beating and really connect to the aliveness that is you, and ask your soul where she’s longing to break free. Notice what’s hard about that for you. Allow yourself to be surprised at how easy it would be to shine some love and truth there and break free….