How to parent a child with ADHD

This blog is dedicated to my brilliant and OWL-knowing mom, whoo was not alive to learn that Katie (that’s me!) had ADHD (we didn’t diagnose that for girls in the 80s), and yet she absolutely nailed how to parent a child with a different brain. Based on my mom’s own experience in school, it’s probably because she also had this same brain, only she could do math, and unlike me, she struggled with reading.

So, how do you solve a problem like Maria? (insert Sound of Music song here). Great news, it’s actually pretty easy!

Step 1: Allow your child to inform you how they learn best
Back in my day, kindergarten was only 1/2 a day and you didn’t learn maths and reading. Instead, you learned how to paint within the lines, tie your shoe (I was the last kid to have this fine motor skill accomplished), and how to count and write the numbers and alphabet. By luck of the draw I landed in the “afternoon” half-day kindergarten class, which really helped my brain prepare for a full afternoon of learning, and there was no pressure or concern of “falling behind” around my ability to tie my shoes, so as far as everyone was concerned, I was a bright, promising young girl.

Enter 1st grade report card and parent-teacher conference. I was failing math and penmanship (they used to grade for handwriting) and my mom was concerned. The teacher showed her my math tests where I put 0 and 1 for every answer. My mom was confused, considering she saw me do math at home and knew I was capable of it. So my mom did what she’s designed to do and asked the powerful question, “Did you ask Katie why she put 1 and 0 for every answer?” The answer was no, and so out in the hallway my mom went to ask me this very simple, yet life-changing question, and here was my response:

Well we get extra reading time when we finish our math test and the test is timed and I really wanted to finish this part of my book..

Ahh the ADHD brain at work, clearly not motivated by “society’s” rules and expectations. And also incredibly capable and brilliant in anything that lights us up! This question allowed me to come inside for the rest of the parent-teacher conference and express my own concerns, quite a novel concept in 1987!

Also, I’m in the second highest reading group, but I OWL-ready finished that book, and I read the highest reading group book too. I’m bored. And I’m not allowed to check out books in the big kid part of the library where they have chapter books, but I’m reading chapter books at home. If I focus on my math can I check out a chapter book?

Overnight my math grades improved, and the following year they stopped grading for penmanship. It was OWL good until 6th grade brought long division, fractions, and longer, more confusing spelling words. So mom did what she did best and went right back to step one and added a dash of step two.

Step 2: Allow your child to inform you how they learn best AND let them inform you how they prefer to be motivated
When my OWL-knowing mother asked me about my spelling tests and why I might be struggling, my response was exactly what you would expect from a brilliant brain slightly ahead of her time.

I can just use spell check, what do I need to know how to spell these words for anyway?

Considering each classroom had 1 clunky apple computer that we shared, this was a pretty prophetic statement for the time. And yet her little Katie was, just full of solutions and only focused on what really, truly mattered to her—reading, writing, and raising money for fun activities in her club. What I didn’t share with my mom, in my defense, she didn’t ask, was that my friend Katie (it was a popular name in the 80s) was doing my math homework in exchange for me doing her social studies homework, which is why I knew just enough math to get Cs on the test and had good homework grades that pulled me up to a B. Don’t worry, this OWL worked out as that Katie grew up to be an accountant and I grew up to be a history teacher. Kids…we really do know what we’re doing with our lives, just ask us!

And ask mom did or perhaps I just told her, the detail are unclear, but either way, I expressed that my friends received money for their good grades and perhaps that would be a good reason to study my spelling words a little harder, and maybe even learn fractions! My parents weren’t ready for the “pay for good grades” just yet, in fact, my mom felt a particular way about it, so my dad offered to buy me ANY book I wanted at Walden’s Book store AND that new marker set I had been eying at Walmart. This worked! Until 7th grade when I could no longer “coast” in social studies, brining me to the third and final step of sheperding a child with ADHD through the school system.

Step 3: Show your child how to successfully study AND invest in their “Zone of Genius”

I came home with my first D or F on a history test (insert probable tears here). My practical mother once again asked me questions and discovered I had no idea how to study, so my parents helped me. Out came the flashcards, my notes, and study guide questions. My parents quizzed me and showed me how to retain information using my mom’s clever way with words, either in the form of a made up song she wrote (see where I get it) or a Pneumonic device she created to keep it OWL straight. True story, I had the highest grade on every single test I took that year, unless I tied with someone else in the class, and then I let them read the answers. My ADHD brain kept me out of the “honors” class, and allowed me to SOAR into my genius once again, however bored I may have been.

It was also around this time that my mom reconsidered her stance on paying for grades. I had some terrible math teachers and mom needed some extra incentive to help younger Katie, whoo felt very strongly that long division and algebra really weren’t that useful (still true for me), and that as long as I can count change back and figure a tip in my head (moving decimals isn’t that hard), then I would get through life just fine. Money motivated me to strive for that C or B in math, and I graduated high school with honors, even with that F in math my first semester in high school, and the other F in physics my last semester of senior year (I no longer cared).

My zone of genius was not math, which is why they never invested in a math tutor. Instead, Grandma Eades invested in tennis lessons (my dad’s mom also knew how to shepherd and guide children), which resulted in a full ride to play tennis in junior college, and a half-scholarship to play NCAA Division II tennis. My academics provided another 1/3 of my tuition. I finally earned that A in math (hardest A I ever earned), and then I never took math class again.

Turns out “life” is the best math class there is, and reading Profit and Loss statements and balancing budgets is totally my jam…I just need someone else to double check my work, because there will be mistakes. But what really matters, is that there will OWL-ways be a profit. I’m pretty good at this business building thing. It’s one of ADHD’s natural gifts.

I have one more “rule” that I OWL-ways share with adults and children alike, ADHD or not, this rule OWL-ways applies:

The way your water flows, is the way it wants to go.

Notice your water. Observe it. Get curious about it. What does it look like to honor your natural flow, in a way that gets you to where you want to go?

Katie L. Eades

Katie is a 5/1 Sacral Generator designed to disrupt things that need to shift and change for the better. A calm lake in the midst of chaos, Katie is your witty and wise strategic partner for OWL things leadership, relationships, and life.

https://www.owlprofessionalcoaching.com
Previous
Previous

“Ugly Duckling”

Next
Next

Rewrite Your Story with Communication